I'm moving, y'all! Started looking into tumblr and fell in love with its simplicity, looks and ease of use. Everything that was on dichotomous has been transferred over there, and I will no longer post here. Some other joker who doesn't ever post has the dichotomous address, so I've matured and moved on to dichotomom.tumblr.com. :) Go there from now on. Please. Probably more photos from here on out, cause Lord knows I have no time to really write more than two sentences at a time anymore. Although ... with such a neat new interface, who knows? Maybe I'll be inspired. :)
Peace my people. xoxo
3.21.2012
3.14.2012
3.07.2012
Apologies
To my two readers (I love you Kat and Bethyboo!) I apologize for the blogging inactivity. I had been doing pretty well there for a while, too! :) I'll get back to posting again soon, I promise.
For now, though, I feel like I've gone into a suspended state of hybernation, I think. I don't know if it's the winter, or just where I am in my life, but I'm finding myself deeply introspective lately, with no real desire to reach out and communicate and/or share what's going on in my head. I really just want to curl up in a blanket, stare outside and think; think about my purpose on this planet, the challenges I've been through and how to put that experience to good use. I'm done figuring out all the whys.
Part of my introspection, really an effort to gain control of my life and consciousness, was a 2 week master cleanse. I spent a good deal of that time in bed. My usual night owl nature morphed into being in bed by 6 and often asleep by 7. My emotions were on a roller coaster the first week and there were days when I was starving and dreamt about food. But, I was committed to follow through, and I'm proud to say I did. I proved to myself that I can control my thoughts and actions, while over the past two years I've felt like they've controlled me. I think I tamed my beast a little bit, and for that I'm grateful. It wasn't about losing weight; I'm quite fine with the bod. It may not be perfect, but it's definitely uniquely mine, and I do my best to treat it well so it will adequately carry my soul through this lifetime. In the end, it was about proving to myself that I had fortitude, because over the past couple of years of frustration and confusion, fortitude felt like a foreign concept.
Cleanse is complete, but I'm still a little in hermit mode, though I'm popping out every now and then to see the hustle and bustle of real life around me. And of course work is always here to remind me that I can't bury myself in deep thought for very long. I do have ideas for posts and hope to get to those soon. Until then, spread the love, my friends.
, peace and love
For now, though, I feel like I've gone into a suspended state of hybernation, I think. I don't know if it's the winter, or just where I am in my life, but I'm finding myself deeply introspective lately, with no real desire to reach out and communicate and/or share what's going on in my head. I really just want to curl up in a blanket, stare outside and think; think about my purpose on this planet, the challenges I've been through and how to put that experience to good use. I'm done figuring out all the whys.
Part of my introspection, really an effort to gain control of my life and consciousness, was a 2 week master cleanse. I spent a good deal of that time in bed. My usual night owl nature morphed into being in bed by 6 and often asleep by 7. My emotions were on a roller coaster the first week and there were days when I was starving and dreamt about food. But, I was committed to follow through, and I'm proud to say I did. I proved to myself that I can control my thoughts and actions, while over the past two years I've felt like they've controlled me. I think I tamed my beast a little bit, and for that I'm grateful. It wasn't about losing weight; I'm quite fine with the bod. It may not be perfect, but it's definitely uniquely mine, and I do my best to treat it well so it will adequately carry my soul through this lifetime. In the end, it was about proving to myself that I had fortitude, because over the past couple of years of frustration and confusion, fortitude felt like a foreign concept.
Cleanse is complete, but I'm still a little in hermit mode, though I'm popping out every now and then to see the hustle and bustle of real life around me. And of course work is always here to remind me that I can't bury myself in deep thought for very long. I do have ideas for posts and hope to get to those soon. Until then, spread the love, my friends.
1.21.2012
Counting my blessings ...
"I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe."
Dalai Lama
Nice words to quote, but hard to follow. I don't know if I'm more prone than others to obsess about my faults and mistakes, to fret over how my decisions have effected others, to worry about having put others in pain, and resent the pain that has been brought inadvertently upon me, but I've been trying very hard lately to work on those lil issues of mine.
I was lucky enough to take a trip recently to visit a friend of mine who has a little bastian of solitude in California. I don't think it's a secret on these digi-pages that the last few years have been tough for me, for whatever reasons. While I always try so hard to be positive, sometimes it's exhausting. I went to California to relax, to recharge and hopefully find some light so I can be the uber-happy person I used to know as me.
I was incredibly lucky. After the drive to the airport through an early morning blizzard and a lengthy de-icing, the plane was off and the universe decided to give me the light I had been looking for. The weather was beautiful once I arrived (bye-bye snow!) and it only got better. I ran to hug my soul sister and we were off. That night, after spending a great day with a few friends of hers whom I am now lucky enough to call my friends as well, we were serendipitously let into a private party at the Roxy as we were walking by. Turns out it was Nikki Sixx's party and the night and music were amazing. Nico Vega.
Universal gift #1.
After a relaxing day following, we went to see one of my favorite artists, Citizen Cope, and somehow ended up at the front of the stage just a few feet away.
Universal gift #2.
The next day: I become a redhead by one of my newfound friends, an amazing West Hollywood hairdresser. We then hit the beach (bikini weather after a blizzard is positively uplifting) and I spot a pod of dolphins playing off the coast.
Universal gift #3 (trust me, there's a pod of dolphins there, you just can't see 'em).
Day #4: This is our "chill" day. After running around since my arrival, we take a day to walk the beach, talk, eat, laugh, sit in the hot tub and relax. On our long beach walk, a beautiful great blue heron flies in onto the dune in front of us. This is a big deal to me. I have a certain affinity for birds of prey, and for herons. It was amazing, beautiful and so serene.
Universal gift #4.
On top of that, I spent 5 days with one of my best friends talking, laughing, crying, eating, sunbathing and just being. After that, I go home, practically glowing. Life was very generous for me last week, giving my soul so many things it needs: music, nature, excitement, and loving friendship.
So, today, I'm thanking the universe instead of questioning it. I hope we can all have those rays of light in the darkness.
Peace and love to you my friends. xoxo
Dalai Lama
Nice words to quote, but hard to follow. I don't know if I'm more prone than others to obsess about my faults and mistakes, to fret over how my decisions have effected others, to worry about having put others in pain, and resent the pain that has been brought inadvertently upon me, but I've been trying very hard lately to work on those lil issues of mine.
I was lucky enough to take a trip recently to visit a friend of mine who has a little bastian of solitude in California. I don't think it's a secret on these digi-pages that the last few years have been tough for me, for whatever reasons. While I always try so hard to be positive, sometimes it's exhausting. I went to California to relax, to recharge and hopefully find some light so I can be the uber-happy person I used to know as me.
I was incredibly lucky. After the drive to the airport through an early morning blizzard and a lengthy de-icing, the plane was off and the universe decided to give me the light I had been looking for. The weather was beautiful once I arrived (bye-bye snow!) and it only got better. I ran to hug my soul sister and we were off. That night, after spending a great day with a few friends of hers whom I am now lucky enough to call my friends as well, we were serendipitously let into a private party at the Roxy as we were walking by. Turns out it was Nikki Sixx's party and the night and music were amazing. Nico Vega.
Universal gift #1.
After a relaxing day following, we went to see one of my favorite artists, Citizen Cope, and somehow ended up at the front of the stage just a few feet away.
Universal gift #2.
The next day: I become a redhead by one of my newfound friends, an amazing West Hollywood hairdresser. We then hit the beach (bikini weather after a blizzard is positively uplifting) and I spot a pod of dolphins playing off the coast.
Universal gift #3 (trust me, there's a pod of dolphins there, you just can't see 'em).
Day #4: This is our "chill" day. After running around since my arrival, we take a day to walk the beach, talk, eat, laugh, sit in the hot tub and relax. On our long beach walk, a beautiful great blue heron flies in onto the dune in front of us. This is a big deal to me. I have a certain affinity for birds of prey, and for herons. It was amazing, beautiful and so serene.
Universal gift #4.
On top of that, I spent 5 days with one of my best friends talking, laughing, crying, eating, sunbathing and just being. After that, I go home, practically glowing. Life was very generous for me last week, giving my soul so many things it needs: music, nature, excitement, and loving friendship.
So, today, I'm thanking the universe instead of questioning it. I hope we can all have those rays of light in the darkness.
Peace and love to you my friends. xoxo
12.20.2011
11.17.2011
"It's always
darkest before the dawn." Those were the words that struck me in this
song. They struck me because 2 days before I had first heard this song, I wrote
those exact words down on a piece of paper and carried that piece of paper with
me everywhere (in my bra if we want to be truly honest here, next to my
heart). Then I heard this song, and I
had to laugh. Because if we can't laugh at our circumstances, all we'll do is
cry. The irony.
Anyway, I was
carrying those words with me because I've had way too many "drinks in the
dark at the end of my rope" over the past year and a half. I was just
starting to feel like I had strengthened after I took the left fork in my road
instead of the right, when, in the past few weeks, things started to crumble
yet again. I've questioned my
choices, had my workload double, and seen a shuffling old man get run over by a
car.
I had that stanza in
my bra for a week or so. Heard the song. Laughed. Felt strength. Felt like I
could move forward into the future as optimistic as I've ever been. Had a
wonderful night with my sisters, listening to amazing music in downtown Denver,
dancing off the Devil with a smile on my face and my sisters surrounding me.
When I wake up, all I see are beautiful fall branches through the skylight,
swaying with the wind (I have a thing for trees, so just bear with …) and I
felt happy. Regardless of the stress, the heartbreak, the everything that can
be what life is, I had a moment of true happiness. We laughed and recapped the
night, then headed out to some Pho shop
way across town. The best in Denver according to my lil sis. As I sat at the
stoplight behind her, with my big sis in the car with me (to ensure I didn't
get lost, I'm sure), I saw a hunched over man shuffling oh so slowly across a
the busy Denver intersection not 20 feet in front of me. The word "awwww"
had just come out with my breath and it happened. I don't want to explain it. I
see if 50 times a day in my head and have to shake it off with a shudder. I
wish beyond wishes I could forget it.
But my point is
this: I embrace the philosophy of live for now, but is that what I'm doing?
People always say "live like you're dying" but have they really seen
someone live their last second of life? They're still living for what's
practical. That's what I'm doing, no matter what I say, or whatever ideals I
feel like I embody. Seeing that old man being hit haunts me. It's paralyzed me.
Because if I lived for me, for today, I'd be on a plane to another country.
I remember when I
was nine I told my mom I would change the world. I truly believed I could. I
wanted move love. Everywhere. She looked
at me earnestly and said, "Stephanie, one person can't change the world, sweetie."
It was said with such love. And you know what I said back? "Mom, do you
have a crystal ball in front of you? Do you KNOW I can't change the world? No?
Then don't say it. One person can do it." I was such a snot. But I still
believe that. I'm no Ghandi, but we can all do something that enacts some chain
reaction. I still truly believe that. I've been so involved in my personal
labrynth that I've forgot what I wanted at 9, which was to make some change on
this crazy ass whirling dirvish of a planet.
So, let's go. Let's
do this thing. I will.
10.13.2011
Ode to my doggies
What started out as a great day - beautiful Colorado cloudless sky, crisp fall morning, kids to school on time, a couple hours work at my fav coffee shop with the perfect breakfast burrito and hot Americano, 3 deadlines met - unexpectedly turned icky with, um, well, work, unexpected criticism, blah, blah, blah. Man, that's so hard to admit for a person who prides herself on having a balanced perspective. We are all human however, and subject to the same pressures ( well most of us anyway). So, what saved me from a night wallowing in self pity? These two (and a couple glasses of wine, homemade popcorn, and funny tv to be honest).
They stuck by my side all night, like they knew something was wrong. Sash is actually breathing on my elbow right now. So lucky for these two. Makes me miss Quincy even more. Sometimes I think animals know our souls even more than we do. Smooch your puppies and kitties tonight everyone! They know more than you think they do.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
They stuck by my side all night, like they knew something was wrong. Sash is actually breathing on my elbow right now. So lucky for these two. Makes me miss Quincy even more. Sometimes I think animals know our souls even more than we do. Smooch your puppies and kitties tonight everyone! They know more than you think they do.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
9.30.2011
Things that make me smile
My mom gave me this bamboo when it got too tall for her apartment. A tiny side sprout on it fell off within a month at my house. Made me so sad. A few weeks later, another baby grew in its place. This is said baby sprout, growing and growing. Every time I see it, it makes me happy. I helped create life!! Haha, I'm so dramatic, I know, but seriously, it feels good to be able to do that. Now, if I could only do something about the spindly geranium in my kitchen that hasn't seen a flower since I brought it home from the greenhouse ...
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
9.26.2011
9.25.2011
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
