The War … Between Sunday’s New York Times cover shot (I couldn’t find a link – a marine held a four-year-old girl whose mother was killed by Iraqi cross-fire) and a recent tête-a-tête in the office (in which I was not included, but forwarded the correspondence by someone who was and thought I would be interested) my position against the war has solidified.

I’ve been in a state of complete information overload. I guess I realized I had crossed the line into insanity when on Sunday morning I was reading the Times, listening to NPR and flipping back and forth between CNN and MSNBC. My husband came in the room and said simply, “I’ve had enough.”

The war has given me a constant knot in my stomach and sleepless nights. All I can think of is the mothers losing their children and children losing their parents, regardless of their nationality. I am heartbroken and exhausted and we’re only a few days in.

Truth is, Saddam is horrible and heartless, according to what I’ve learned from our media. I would love nothing more than the folks in Iraq to have freedom, but on their terms. Bush has taken matters into his own hands and has been acting dictatoresque (he makes up words, so why can’t I?!).

The man wasn’t even elected by the popular vote, he had his republican minions engineer and approve a bill in which he can declare war without any congressional approval and he insulted the intelligence of the other countries in the UN by dismissing their insight and opinion and going to war. I don’t know about anyone else, but I think the fact that someone with merely an MBA (no offense to business students, I was pursuing an MBA myself pre-kids) is “running” the country is frightening. And an admitted C-student as well. You’d think at least our economy would be taken care of with a businessman at the helm. Anyway, his background should, in some fashion at least, reveal his priorities. I’d much rather have a much more intelligent social scientist in charge.

Do I want Saddam out? Of course. By these means? Absolutely not. The antipathy and flippancy concerning human lives in the media as well as among co-workers (well, one) is startling and disheartening to me. When will this society evolve?

My 2-1/2 year old approached me this weekend, put his hand on his chest and said earnestly, “I come in peace.” Now, that’s my boy.

Is the war making anyone else sick to their stomach today.

The best laid plans … Between work deadlines, having two children (one who just started crawling!) and the chaos (and depression) of war, I haven’t been able to write about my fun-filled mini-vacation to Lexington, Va. with the family … until now. I’m sure everyone has been waiting with bated breath, so here goes.

So we decide to get outa Dodge for a while to escape and try to relax. I wanted to rent a cabin, but it is NCAA playoff time, so we had to go someplace with electricity and a television, preferably with ESPN. We end up booking a hotel in Lexington a few days before we leave, with the grand plans of visiting the Natural Bridge Zoo, which purportedly has the largest collection of animals and birds in the state, then trekking over to Lexington to walk around Washington and Lee, check into the hotel and take a much coveted nap.

After taking the car in for a much-needed oil change and Ethan in for an emergency doctor’s visit to take care of what would be his third ear infection, we were off. Remarkably, we were only one hour behind my anally kept schedule. We get to the zoo. It’s closed. Yes, we checked its web site, which stated it was open. I promised Ty animals and that was the only word he repeated incessantly on our one-hour journey.

So, we break into the zoo. Not an all out lock-pickin’, fence-climbin’ break-in, mind you. We just found an open employees-only gate and walked right in. We got to see the two tigers, bears, mountain lion and a bunch of little fuzzy petting zoo donkeys before a few zoo personnel came and booted us. It satiated Ty anyway and kept us true to our word. And we didn’t get arrested! (Ha! Imagine sweet 8-month-old Ethan in prison stripes!)

We walk around Washington and Lee and eat at a great little café called Joyful Spirit. I had no idea how yuppyville W&L would be. I saw guys in light blue Bermudas with pale yellow Polo shirts on and every, I mean every, girl had a black Kate Spade bag.

We check into the hotel. There’s no way in Hell that Ty is going to take a nap so we watch basketball then go to VMI’s campus and watch the parade. I used to be very anti-military in my younger days and you never would’ve caught me there. However, several experiences and I suppose just getting older, has made me appreciate the military more. I thought the parade and campus were beautiful and very moving. As I held Ty and the early evening sun dropped slowly behind the mountains I got a little verklempt. Ty was unaffected. If anything, I figured at least we were safe there cause there were a bunch of guys and gals with guns. (ha)

Post parade we walk around downtown, which is totally adorable and quaint with lots of cute little shops. We go to dinner at the Palms (no similarity to Vegas’ version). After we went to an adorable little ice cream shop where the W&L schoolgals oohed and aahed over the boys (Ty is such a flirt!).

Saturday morning we head over the horse show – another favorite of Tyler’s (or so we thought). Ever since he rode a horse at Sinkland Farms (they have a pumpkin patch in the fall and offer all kinds of fun things for little kids) he adores horses and couldn’t wait to see them. The horse show was very small (and cold!). A bit of a disappointment, but I did see the most beautiful horse I’ve ever seen in my life there. Was it worth the build-up … uh, no.

Next we went to Rockbridge Vineyard. I would have to say this was the highlight for me. The woman there was wonderful, warm and knowledgeable. It was just us on the little tour, so we got to ask every question we’ve ever had about wine-making. It was fabulous. We then had a little tasting while the hostess pulled out a basket of toys for the boys. Smart lady! We bought a bottle each of the Chardonnay Reserve, Merlot and Traminette (Brian’s favorite – a little too sweet for me). After a nap and some more basketball we walked around town again, then went for Mexican food.

The next morning we packed to go, got some coffee at the downtown coffee shop (again, so adorable!) and drove around town to look at the beautiful houses and fantasize about our perfect house when we move back home to Colorado.

I’ve left out the parts about trying to sneak in war tv and radio every chance I could. It was odd trying to have fun and forget about the current state of the world, then crave information once I got near a radio or television. Brian and I played our tv tango – if I left the room he would turn back to basketball, when I came back in, or if he left, I would turn it back to CNN. Either way it’s bad news – my bracket choices have been horrible this year and, well, the war is the war.

The night before the war … As I put my eldest son to bed, my husband, in the next room, pontificated the brackets, anticipating a sure win this year with the help of the Sports Center experts, whose muted television voices filtered through our cozy upstairs bedrooms.

I lay curled up on my toddlers bed, as he sat at the foot conquering a puzzle he had faced a hundred times before, yet as seemingly excited as when he first pulled off the clear shrinkwrap letting the wooden pieces topple gently to the floor.

I cuddled under his quilt with red, yellow and periwinkle cars and trucks, my body their temporary mountain to climb, as I stared at his exploring eyes. He picked up a rounded piece with his small but sure hand and softly clicked it into the mother board, printed with a street scene of cars and trucks and buildings created from a stranger’s imagination.

With only the soft light from Gordo and Fishy’s fishtank falling on our shapes he looked into my eyes, paused and smiled, his dimple creating a small dark valley on his soft skin. He raised his eyebrows making his big blue eyes slightly bigger.

“Sleepy, Mommie?”
“Yes, Honey, Mommie is sleepy.”

Still smiling he went back to work as his little brother shifted slightly and breathed a deep, peaceful breath in the white, almost glowing, crib a few feet away.

We played the smiling game for a few minutes. Me watching him work, he peeking his head over the quilt under which I was partially hidden every 30 seconds or so, then breaking into a huge smile when he saw me smiling.

After a small struggle to end puzzle time and begin sleepy time, he curled up next to me, snug into my abdomen, an exaggerated form of how he may have lain two-and-a-half years ago when he was safe inside my belly. I fell asleep with the slightly floral and honey sweet smell of his newly washed hair in the air, feeling the soft blond tresses under my cheek.

It was so peaceful …

Waitress: Hi! What can I get for you today?
Me: I'd like some freedom fries, please, hold the arrogance.
Waitress: Sorry, we just made a fresh batch and have already sprinkled arrogance all over them.
Me: Okay, then, if that's all you've got ...
Waitress: Would you like a side of propaganda with that?
Me: Oh, it's separate? I thought it came with ...

Is My Mind Changing? I am not affiliated with any political party, mind you, but I have been wary of a war with Iraq ... up until now. I do have to say that John McCain's article in the Times today is making me think twice, thrice and even, well, whatever would be next on this subject.

Why can't the Girl Scouts sell their cookies in the fall when I don't care what I look like in a bathing suit?!

Testing ... Geez. I hope I finally have this right. I've been working for days on my template with the help of my friend Jon. I do believe I'm going insane. I'm a writer for goodness sakes, not a code breaker!

A Week Away ... Looks like we're about a week from war. I feel so helpless about it. I'm scared for my children and what will happen once W. launches this unprecedented attack, which will undoubtedly make the U.S. and Americans the top target around the globe. Who can stop W. from making this huge mistake?
On a lighter note, anyone catch the SAG awards last night? Didn't Halle look stunning! I love awards shows; I just can't help myself. I'm such a voyeur -- staring at the "beautiful people" for a couple hours is too tempting to ignore. I think the folks from Will and Grace are positively adorable and I loved the movie Chicago, although I could do with a little less of the Renee love-fest that is going on right now. Was she really THAT great? I think not. Richard's soft-shoe was my favorite part.

The Beginning. Okay, here we go. I think I've finally gotten the template about how I want it. My first real blog! I'd like to start by sending kudos to Maggie Berry, whose blog and writing inspired me to start. She's a fabulous writer and, although she is younger than I, she is who I want to be when I grow up. I would be remiss if I didn't mention the "rare" press conference the prez had on tv last night. I try to listen to Ari's as often as possible and all I can say is that I've heard enough of the same damn buzzwords and blah, blah, blah that it's time to turn off the set. War is quite obviously and sadly inevitable because you-know-who just seems to be bent on it. Granted Saddam is the premiere schmuck of all time, but I've heard enough rhetoric for now. Okay, I promised myself not to get political in my blog so I'll turn that half of me off right now. On to more important matters ... anyone know where I can get a good deal on a Kate Spade bag? (How American of me!)

I'm so very excited for Blogger going over the 1 million mark, of course. But I can't help but think how lame I am being behind 1 million people. Ugh. (And I was sooo excited to start blogging, too! Drat!)

Okie dokie. This is the first time I've ever done this, so I guess I'd be called a blog virgin. Anyway, I'm just testin this puppy out for now.