All I Want for Christmas ...
Dearest Sandy Claws:
Now that Thanksgiving has yielded and given way to the truly dichotomous (stressful yet joyous) Christmas season, I would like to get my request in early so I can cross it off my to-do list (and anyone who knows me knows how much I loooooove to make lists). So, bear with, it's pretty long:
1- I would like all children in the world to get the best Christmas present they could ever receive: unconditional and unbounding love from their parents/guardians. Please let all deadbeat dads in the world feel remorse for their apathy and let them feel the need to repair some of the damage they have caused.
2- I would like every hungry belly to be fed, or at least satiated so a good night's sleep can be had.
3- I would like everyone in the world to start acting more with their heart and less with their head (although the head may intervene in special situations in which it is absolutely necessary for protection).
4- I would like truth and ethical responsibility to regain its prevalence and importance in today's society and for people to start owning their actions and righting the wrongs they have caused.
5- I would like everyone to make an effort to center themselves and when they find that harmony, pass it on to their neighbor (then we can have one big Breck commercial of centeredness ... how coooooool!)
6- I would like the Republican administration to STOP USING FEAR AS A TOOL OF CONTROL, please, pretty please.
7- Um, and I'd like that new Ford hybrid SUV.
8- And last but not least, I would like everyone to believe ... in you, in themselves, in God, in any God, anything that gives hope and faith a stronger grip in their life. Sounds corny, I know, but if corny is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

Okay, thanks for listening. I know it's a pretty big bill, but I'm sure you and all the resident deities can swing it if you work as a team.
Thanks a bunch! Have a great holiday and drive safely (those reindeer can be soooo moody and unpredictable!)
S

What???!!!!!!
The "500 Greatest Songs" issue of Rolling Stone just came out and I opened it up expecting to see the best song ever created by a human being jump right out at me, to which I would crack a smug smile and think to myself, "I knew it." However, I was sadly, sadly dissappointed to find the greatest song of all time listed at a completely inappropriate 357. I am referring, of course, to "Little Wing" (duh!) by Jimi Hendrix. Undeserving songs such as "Like a Prayer" by lil miss thang and frickin "Stan" by the Emster, among many other mediocre blah, blah songs beat it out. I'm shocked, bewildered and do believe I will spend the rest of the afternoon in a sad, sad fog. sigh ....

Those Three Special Words
I've waited 20 years to hear them -- those three special words that provide comfort and clarity. Yes folks, I heard them today, the three most beautiful words I've ever heard: Irritable Bowel Syndrome. The doctor said I have the "classic" symptoms. (So why the hell has it taken 20 years and many, many doctors to figure it out?) Praise be to Dr. Hughes, who led me to the truth and gave me magic little pills that make the pain dissipate immediately. (Damn those ER doctors for scaring me into thinking I needed surgery. Ha! Guess I outsmarted them! ) I'm walking on air today, people! Please join me!
Disclaimer: If anyone is grossed out by the mention of bowels in this message, well, get over it.

Ha Ha Hospital
I just returned from a trip to the ER (my age-old stomach problem). When I wasn't doubled over in pain, I found several funny things about the place, such as ...
The 1 to 10 rating system: If you are ever in the unfortunate position of being in enough pain to warrant a trip to the ER, you will be asked several times by several different people how you would rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no pain and 10 being "pain of death" (whatever the heck that means ... I haven't met a pain yet that killed me and if I had I wouldn't be able to answer the question now, would I?). I wondered how the doctors and nurses would take into account the varying drama of the various patients. I prefer to deny pain, so I would always err on the low side (although the pain had to be pretty near 8 to even get me to say the words, "Take me to the hospital now, please."), while the lady in the next bed, who apparently had the same problem I did would always answer, "Ohhhh, wayyyyy over 10," to which I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath how obviously alive she currently was. I also wondered how funny it would be to tell the many different nurses who saw me a variety of numbers, including fractions, just to confuse them. However, I've actually taken a liking to the system and found the system has many uses. I find myself using the scale in several home-based situations, e.g., "Ty, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no hunger and 10 being really, really hungry, like five nuggets-worth, how would you rate your hunger?" or "Brian, on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being I've already forgotten about it and 10 I'll die without it, how would you rate your need for that expensive altimeter?" It's very handy.
Parking signs for beds: While they were wheeling my skinny little bed through the halls, I actually saw signs that read "No parking beds between signs." I had to giggle for a second as I imagined a scrubs-clad nurse cursing as she picked up a bed parking ticket from the gurney of a sleeping patient she had left there while she ran into a nearby doctor's office to pick up some paperwork.
"But I only left her here for a minute, officer! Come on! Give me a break here!"
"Im' just doing my job, ma'am, just doin my job."
Cherry guys fighting cancer: Cheery people are everywhere and every caregiver there feels they have to smile at you (and that it is completely appropriate to touch your shoulder, or your arm, or your knee, but I guess that's another story). Even the greeter/information guy at the front entrance feels it his duty to bestow tons of good cheer on you regardless of whether or not you want it. As I waited for Brian to pick me up I overheard the cheery greeter guy talking to a friend who had come to the hospital for a colonoscopy. Oh joy. So this is what the guy actually says (with a smile on his face the entire time): "It'll be alright! I had colon cancer, and when I kicked it and came in for my follow-up, I found that I had prostate cancer! Can you believe that! I just finished all my treatment for that and now I'm cancer-free. So you see, it's all gonna be okay!" You gotta hand it to the guy. Just hearing him talk put a smile on my face.

Halloween Hoochimama
One of the many joys of having a child: Halloween candy.
One of the many joys of having two children: Twice the Halloween candy.
Muuooohaaaahaaahaaahaa (evil hopped-up-on-mini-Snickers-bars laugh).

Sidenote: I suppose a logical person would think, "I'm sure raising two children and sending them to college is quite a bit more expensive than splurging for the bag of mini Snickers bars at the supermarket." My response: I am one of "those" mothers who evilly gives out raisin boxes and fruit snacks trying to improve the teeth and health of the next generation (and because I'm allergic to sulfites, which are in chocolate), so when candy bars infiltrate the household, it is cause for curses (by me) and celebration (by the children and husband ... and me secretly) simultaneously.
Sidenote 2: Those of you who know about my sulfite allergy must be wondering how I am able to type this right now knowing I am hopped up on mini Snickers bars and probably scratching my fingers like a crazy person. It has taken me 20 minutes to write this.

Aha! moment
I've really been digging some bands lately that my husband dubbs, um, how does he put it ... "pussy rock" (sorry if I'm offending anyone here) -- bands like Jimmy Eat World, Yellowcard, Weezer, etc. Anyway, I found out today that there's a real name for this kind of music. It's called Emo! (That's short for emotional, according to the Real Music Player music guide.) No wonder I like it, huh? Have I been under a rock? Did everyone else out there know that a new label had been applied to what I thought was just a neo-punk-based sound, but still under the whole "Alternative" genre? They also have another subgenre called "Twee Pop/Cuddlecore". Does that make anyone else laugh hysterically? Maybe I should start submitting my husband's titles ...

Meet Lola and Ginger, front ladies for the new band Just 2 Much. 

It was Oct. 30. The night began innocently enough. Three of us threw on wigs and glittered eyeshadow while Brian threw on a policeman's hat with some mardi gras beads and a purple silk vest. We called him Johnson, the long arm of the law. After a few glasses of wine -- sulfite-free of course -- we hit the road and headed to downtown Boulder. We thought everyone would be dressed up ...

Too much sake for Ginger. Dinner at Boulder's premiere sake bar, Amu, was fabulous with Lola taking the ordering helm. She worked there before hitting it big with Just 2 Much. 

We walked into the restaurant full of the usual Boulder crowd: all JCrew and no diversity. All eyes turned. I'm blaming it on Maglove's Rod Stewart wig. Lola and I were relatively inconspicuous. I suppose it could've been Johnson, with that purple vest. Anyway, after a short stint at the sake bar we headed back to a private room where we ate the best Japanese food I've ever had and drank some of the best sake ever made (thanks to Lola's connections). Ain't life sweet. And Maglove's tape goes on ...

Lola's man is the band's videographer, Maglove. 

He wore knee pads (no joke) and ran around dramatically dropping to his knees, sliding and taping us everywhere we went all night. It was hilarious. He's actually a film student at Naropa and the resulting tape rocks.

Presidential Pisser
And just when I was beginning to heal myself ...

Read, please
http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/79C6AF22-98FB-4A1C-B21F-2BC36E87F61F.htm
Creepy, but should be read. Please keep in mind that American media is puppeted, have no doubt about that. Open your mind and see both sides, only then can you find the balance and discern truth from fiction. Thanks for the link, Jon.

Also, Brian and I had a fabulous night out with my best girl and twin flame, Michelle and her boyfriend Justin over the weekend. I'll get an update up soon, complete with pictures! However, let me warn you, you may not recognize me. :)

Peace, and GO VOTE PEOPLE!

Have you ever embarrassed yourself so badly you wanted to lock yourself up in the darkest room possible, say an empty planetarium or the darkest pit of hell, curl up in a ball and will yourself to molecularly dissolve into the blackness? Welcome to my world.