Ha Ha Hospital
I just returned from a trip to the ER (my age-old stomach problem). When I wasn't doubled over in pain, I found several funny things about the place, such as ...
The 1 to 10 rating system: If you are ever in the unfortunate position of being in enough pain to warrant a trip to the ER, you will be asked several times by several different people how you would rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no pain and 10 being "pain of death" (whatever the heck that means ... I haven't met a pain yet that killed me and if I had I wouldn't be able to answer the question now, would I?). I wondered how the doctors and nurses would take into account the varying drama of the various patients. I prefer to deny pain, so I would always err on the low side (although the pain had to be pretty near 8 to even get me to say the words, "Take me to the hospital now, please."), while the lady in the next bed, who apparently had the same problem I did would always answer, "Ohhhh, wayyyyy over 10," to which I rolled my eyes and mumbled under my breath how obviously alive she currently was. I also wondered how funny it would be to tell the many different nurses who saw me a variety of numbers, including fractions, just to confuse them. However, I've actually taken a liking to the system and found the system has many uses. I find myself using the scale in several home-based situations, e.g., "Ty, on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being no hunger and 10 being really, really hungry, like five nuggets-worth, how would you rate your hunger?" or "Brian, on a scale of 1 to 10 with one being I've already forgotten about it and 10 I'll die without it, how would you rate your need for that expensive altimeter?" It's very handy.
Parking signs for beds: While they were wheeling my skinny little bed through the halls, I actually saw signs that read "No parking beds between signs." I had to giggle for a second as I imagined a scrubs-clad nurse cursing as she picked up a bed parking ticket from the gurney of a sleeping patient she had left there while she ran into a nearby doctor's office to pick up some paperwork.
"But I only left her here for a minute, officer! Come on! Give me a break here!"
"Im' just doing my job, ma'am, just doin my job."
Cherry guys fighting cancer: Cheery people are everywhere and every caregiver there feels they have to smile at you (and that it is completely appropriate to touch your shoulder, or your arm, or your knee, but I guess that's another story). Even the greeter/information guy at the front entrance feels it his duty to bestow tons of good cheer on you regardless of whether or not you want it. As I waited for Brian to pick me up I overheard the cheery greeter guy talking to a friend who had come to the hospital for a colonoscopy. Oh joy. So this is what the guy actually says (with a smile on his face the entire time): "It'll be alright! I had colon cancer, and when I kicked it and came in for my follow-up, I found that I had prostate cancer! Can you believe that! I just finished all my treatment for that and now I'm cancer-free. So you see, it's all gonna be okay!" You gotta hand it to the guy. Just hearing him talk put a smile on my face.